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Where it began, I can't begin to know...

But then I know it's growing strong.
It wasn't the Spring
And Spring became Summer~
Who'd of believed you'd come along?
Hands touching hands
Reaching out~
Touching me~
Touching you--oooh~
Sweet Caroline!
Good times never seemed so good~

My bipolarity is becoming something of a nuisance.

Sometimes I feel like I've been engineered to do nothing but cause problems and hurt people.
I'm not going to be dumb and claim something stupid, like I act the way I do because I'm a Sagittarius!

I'm just looking for an out, so I don't have to deal with the consequences of my ridiculous thoughts and actions. For someone who caused such an uproar over potentially losing him, I'm sure quick to be disheartened about our ability to make a relationship last.
Don't get me wrong. Part of me still loves him, a whole lot. But the amount of times I have to try and squeeze a reaction out of him or try to make him just act like my damn boyfriend are enough to make me feel like the whole thing is a joke. It's like he's too distracted with other things to care that I'm here.
Barbara was right when she said part of him is trying to be an adult, but a bigger part of him wants to be a kid. He definitely likes me a whole lot, but love? I don't know if he's even ready to really love someone.

And even though it's a low blow to try and blame him, feeling utterly ignored at times makes a person crave attention from someone who might have more of a minute to spare.

I just want him to care more and actually make me believe that he really does.

But is it worth breaking up with him over? And even if I did, who's the say I'd even find anyone else?

I'm not saying I'm settling, but I guess I've gotten to be wary of the fact that I'm just not the type to attract Those Guys.

God dammit, I just want to shut everyone out and hope this fixes itself somehow. But it won't. And let's not get into my new-found insecurities about whether or not I'm being cheated on. Dear lord ._.


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Nov. 13th, 2009 07:26 am (UTC)
being cheated on?! elaborate please? D:

and your friend thought of a perfect way to describe it, it does seem like he is trying to be an adult but he's just not ready right now. he has some pre-growing up to do first.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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